200+ Corny Jokes: That Are So Bad, They’re Actually Funny

There is something magical about a joke so cheesy, so predictable, so stupidly magnificent that it goes all the way around to being funny. Whether you are the type of person who groans out loud or secretly snickers at dad jokes, you know what I am talking about.

That’s why I’ve put together this definitive collection of 200+ corny jokes guaranteed to make you chuckle, cringe, and likely pass around to all your buddies! From vintage cheesy jokes that’ve been going around forever to fresh dumb jokes that somehow continue to work, you’ll find jokes perfect for ice-breaking, mood-lightening, or simply basking in the sweet weirdness of bad humor.

Corny Jokes That Make You Laugh

• Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

• Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?

For drizzle!

• Why did the restaurant hire a pig?

He was good at bacon.

• What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

• What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear.

• Why are the Irish so wealthy?

Because their capital is Dublin.

• What do lawyers wear to work?

Lawsuits.

• What has more lives than a cat?

A frog, because it croaks every day.

• What’s that restaurant on the Moon like?

It doesn’t have any atmosphere.

• What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories?

Leave the pizza in the oven.

• What do clouds wear underneath their shorts?

Thunder pants.

• Why do scientists like Orion’s Belt so much?

It’s a big waste of space.

• Can February March?

No, but April May.

• What do you call a medieval lamp?

A knight light.

• Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer?

He couldn’t log on.

• Why is sausage so bad for you?

Because it brings out the wurst in people.

• What do you call an elephant in a telephone booth?

Stuck.

• What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.

• What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs Bunny.

• What do you call a broken clock?

A total waste of time.

• How many apples grow on an apple tree?

All of them.

• Which vegetable is great at martial arts?

Broccoli.

• What do mermaids use to wash their fins?

Tide.

• Why couldn’t the shellfish farmer exercise?

He pulled a mussel.

• What kind of award do you give dentists?

A little plaque.

• What do pigs use in the shower?

Hogwash.

• Would you like to hear a pizza joke?

It’s a little cheesy.

• Why did the pumpkin go to the emergency room?

He wasn’t feeling so gourd.

• Why did the old man fall into a well?

He couldn’t see that well.

• Did you hear about the chemist who lost an electron?

He should have kept a better ion them.

Best Corny Jokes

• How do you tell if a vampire is sick?

See if he is in a coffin.

• What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?

Ketchup.

• What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dinosnore.

• What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?

A father-in-law.

• What does corn say when it gets a compliment?

Aw shucks!

• What runs but never goes anywhere?

A fridge.

• What did the bartender say to the turkey sandwich when it tried to order a beer?

“Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

• Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

• What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

One requires treatment and the other an ointment.

• Why do people say “break a leg” when you go on stage?

Because every play has a cast.

• What do you call an alligator detective?

An investigator.

• What kind of ghost has the best hearing?

The eeriest.

• How did the dead brother and his dead brother resemble each other?

They were dead ringers.

• Why are there gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

• Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?

Because it’s pointless.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

• Where can you buy soup in bulk?

The stock market.

• If athletes get athlete’s feet, what do elves get?

Mistle toes.

• What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

• What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?

Namaste.

• Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?

She kept running away from the ball!

• What do you need to cook an alligator?

A crock-pot.

• Did you hear about the Italian chef who had an accident the other day?

Unfortunately, he pasta way.

• What’s the bad thing about birthdays?

Too many of them will kill you.

• Why did the deer go to the dentist?

It had buck teeth.

• Why should you be careful with what you say around eggs?

They can’t take a yolk.

• What’s the biggest cause of dry skin?

Towels.

• What do baby computers call their father?

Data!

• What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Depresso.

• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

Short Corny Jokes

• Why did the bike fall over?

It was two tired.

• What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Cancel its credit card.

• Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a fungus.

• Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

If it had four doors, it would be called a chicken sedan.

• Have you heard about the corduroy pillow?

It’s making headlines!

• What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships.

• What was the frog’s job at the hotel?

Bellhop.

• What do cows most like to read?

Cattle-logs.

• Why did the photo go to jail?

Because it was framed.

• What do spies do when they’re cold?

They go undercover.

• Why do cows have hooves and not feet?

They are lactose.

• What happens when a doctor gets mad?

He loses his patients.

• Have you heard the joke about sausage?

It’s the worst!

• Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?

Because they’re extinct.

• Should I try an all pistachio diet?

No, that’s just nuts!

• Why do people who live in Greece hate waking up each morning?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

• Why wouldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?

He was too far out.

• How do you make 7 even?

Take away the “S.”

• Which state does Santa enjoy visiting the most?

Ida Ho Ho Ho

• What do you call security guards for Samsung?

Guardians of the galaxy.

• Can a frog jump higher than a house?

Of course. Houses can’t jump.

• Why did the nurse carry a red pen with her?

In case she had to draw some blood.

• Did you hear about the two radios that got married?

The reception was amazing!

• Where do cows go on dates?

To the movies.

• What did the avocado say to the other avocado?

You guac my world.

• What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeno business.

• How can you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?

It’s either one or the udder.

• What did the lettuce say to the celery?

Please quit stalking me!

• Where do polar bears keep their valuables?

In a snowbank.

Corny Jokes for Kids and Adults

• What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

• What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta.

• What do you call a well-balanced horse?

Stable.

• When do computers overheat?

When they need to vent.

• Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honeycombs.

• Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

• What do you call a factory that sells good products?

It Is satisfactory.

• What kind of music do planets like?

Neptunes.

• What do you call a fish without eyes?

Fsh.

• How do rabbits travel?

By hareplanes.

• What did the cucumber say to the pickle?

You mean a great dill to me.

• Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?

He always takes things personally.

• What kind of dog tells time?

A watchdog.

• Why was the broom late for work?

It was over-swept.

• What do you call someone who sleeps in their socks?

Tiny.

• What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance?

Lady Ba Ba.

• Why did the coffee taste like dirt?

Because it was ground just a few minutes ago.

• What’s a dog’s favorite superhero?

LabraThor.

• What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

• How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three. The left ear, right ear and final front-ear.

• How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing, it’s in the house.

• What do you call rude cows?

Beef jerky.

• Did you hear about the man who’s paranoid about picnics?

He’s a real basket case.

• What did the surgeon say to the patient who wanted to do his own anesthesia? 

“Sure, knock yourself out.”

• How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the Dark Side.

• Did you hear about the evil hen?

It was known for laying deviled eggs.

• What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

• What kind of car does an egg drive?

A volkswagen.

• How do you organize a space party?

You planet.

• What do you call an angry carrot?

A steamed vegetable.

Hilarious Corny Jokes

• Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse.

• Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

They crack up too easily.

• When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.

• Why don’t you buy things with Velcro?

It’s a rip off.

• How do you make an egg roll?

You push it.

• What do you call a snobby criminal going down the stairs?

A con descending.

• What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

• What do you call a row of rabbits hopping away?

A receding hare line.

• How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

• Why did the kid stock up on yeast?

He wanted to make some dough.

• What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality.

• What kind of shoes do robbers wear?

Sneakers.

• What do you call a man that wears iron clothes?

Iron Man.

• Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn’t see himself doing it.

• Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

• What lights up a soccer stadium?

A soccer match.

• What kind of cheese isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese.

• Where does the electric cord go to shop?

An outlet mall.

• Why are frogs so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

• Why don’t melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

• What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback.

• What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

• Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?

Because he’s always a lion.

• Why were the fish’s grades bad?

They were below sea level.

• Why did the stadium get hot after the game?

All of the fans left.

• What do you call banana peel shoes?

Slippers.

• What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

• Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his snack?

He was a shellfish.

• Why wouldn’t the poppy seed leave the casino?

He was on a roll.

• What kind of music do mummies listen to?

Wrap music.

Corny Jokes That Are Actually Funny

• Why did the man get hit by a bike every day?

He was stuck in a vicious cycle.

• What do you call a pile of cats?

A meowtain.

• Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

• How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

• What do horses say when they fall?

I can’t giddy up.

• How do you impress a baker?

Bring him flour.

• How does a rancher keep track of his cattle?

With a cowculator.

• Which flowers are the best kissers?

Tulips.

• What do sprinters eat before they race?

Nothing. They fast.

• What did the cake say to the fork?

You want a piece of me.

• How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree?

By the bark.

• What’s red and really bad for your teeth?

A brick.

• What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

• Why did the tomato blush?

It saw the salad dressing.

• What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July?

A fire quacker.

• What did the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me, and you’ll go places!

• Which king loved fractions?

Henry the 8th.

• Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

He was feeling crumby.

• What’s Forrest Gump’s password?

1forrest1.

• What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

Cheesy Jokes and One Liners

• What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest.

• Why did the robber jump in the tub?

He wanted to make a clean getaway.

• What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

• What did the elevator say when it sneezed?

I think I’m coming down with something.

• Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because you can’t iron them.

• Why couldn’t the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he got lost at C.

• What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing. It waved.

• How did the barber win the race?

He knew a shortcut.

• Why can’t you trust duck doctors?

They’re all quacks.

• What do you do with a sick boat?

Take it to the doc.

• Where was King Solomon’s temple located?

Right beside his ear.

• What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?

58

• When do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

• If a bee can’t make up its mind, what do you call it?

A maybe. 

• Did you hear about the skeleton beauty contest?

Nobody won.

• Did you hear about the man who was interested in gold prospecting?

Unfortunately, it didn’t pan out.

• What kind of fish do dolphins catch at night?

Star fish.

• Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?

Because they always drop their needles.

• What did the alien say to the landscaper?

Take me to your weeder.

• Did you know that dogs can’t operate MRI machines?

But catscan.

• Why should you avoid talking to trees?

They can be a little shady sometimes.

• Did you hear about the man who drank invisible ink?

He’s in the ER waiting to be seen.

• Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

• Why do ghosts like elevators so much?

It lifts their spirits.

• How do bees get to school each day?

They ride the school buzz.

• Why did the police arrest the turkey?

Because they suspected foul play.

• What do you call a cold puppy?

A chili dog.

• How did the two snakes end their fight?

They hissed and made up.

• Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I’m not going to start spreading it.

• What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

You look a little flushed.

Conclusion

What an amazing ride through 200+ groan inducing cornball jokes that illustrate sometimes the worst is really the best! From classic bits that have been making eyes roll for decades to newer dumb jokes that somehow continue to work their magic, you’re now armed with enough awful humor to amuse (or torment) anyone you encounter.

Don’t forget, the value of corny jokes lies not in how sophisticated they are, it’s in their power to unite people in appreciation of the gloriously silly. Whether these groan-inducing jokes leave you laughing hysterically or simply wincing at the audacity, they’re precisely doing what they’re meant to do: making life a little bit more enjoyable and a whole lot less somber.